Didn't sleep at all because I was burning the midnight oil for my exam today but all was in vain because I couldn't concentrate at all. Even now, 5 minutes before I leave, I find myself online typing this instead of getting ready to leave.
Do you know that the first thing I do when I wake up is go online to see if I got any emails from you? You haven't even given me your house address yet. I didn't ask you those times you messaged me because I wanted to see if you still cared about me but I just want you to heal first.
Last night, you made me feel like the worst piece of shit on the planet. I probably am after what happened but that's the reason why I didn't want you to go back because I feel that it's times like that that I need to speak to you. How are things supposed to get better if everything I say hurts you or reminds you of something bad? I told you earlier that the future of this relationship is in your hands right now and I hope you really start to understand this. The only thing I can say is that I never cared about what people thought of me as long as we were together, which is very different from you. I took everything my family threw in my way for 2 years for our sake and you can still say that I was never serious. I don't blame you though because after what happened, I can understand how I may have given that impression. It's the insides that you never saw and even now, you refuse to see the new me when all others around me can literally see. The one person that I want to prove it to refuses to acknowledge the change in me.
I'm an emotional wreck. You should see me right now. Maybe then you'll understand the magnitude of how sorry I am and how determined I am to salvage whatever little that is left. I'm sorry about last night. You must understand that you have your family there with you while I'm here all alone hanging on to the very little amount of sanity that I still have left. Maybe I just wanted to hear a few words of endearment and kindness for comfort perhaps? Please don't make me do something that you'll regret. I beg of you.
Do you know that the first thing I do when I wake up is go online to see if I got any emails from you? You haven't even given me your house address yet. I didn't ask you those times you messaged me because I wanted to see if you still cared about me but I just want you to heal first.
Last night, you made me feel like the worst piece of shit on the planet. I probably am after what happened but that's the reason why I didn't want you to go back because I feel that it's times like that that I need to speak to you. How are things supposed to get better if everything I say hurts you or reminds you of something bad? I told you earlier that the future of this relationship is in your hands right now and I hope you really start to understand this. The only thing I can say is that I never cared about what people thought of me as long as we were together, which is very different from you. I took everything my family threw in my way for 2 years for our sake and you can still say that I was never serious. I don't blame you though because after what happened, I can understand how I may have given that impression. It's the insides that you never saw and even now, you refuse to see the new me when all others around me can literally see. The one person that I want to prove it to refuses to acknowledge the change in me.
I'm an emotional wreck. You should see me right now. Maybe then you'll understand the magnitude of how sorry I am and how determined I am to salvage whatever little that is left. I'm sorry about last night. You must understand that you have your family there with you while I'm here all alone hanging on to the very little amount of sanity that I still have left. Maybe I just wanted to hear a few words of endearment and kindness for comfort perhaps? Please don't make me do something that you'll regret. I beg of you.
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