Happy Birthday, Pap

I know it's my dads birthday today ( don't worry, Sarah. This I WON'T forget ). To be honest, I don't really know how old you are exactly today but sincerely, I wish I was there to celebrate it with you. I can't remember the last time I was there to be with you on your birthday because as long as I can remember, I've always been away from home. I was either away in MRSM, in KL doing my foundation and here in God's hell on Earth. I'd give anything to be with you today but I guess it'll be awhile before I'll get to wish you in person on your birthday.

There are a lot of things I wish I had the courage to tell you in your face. I know we never got along on a lot of things especially when it comes to religion and politics. But you've been the biggest influence in my life. I used to hate going for all those courses that you used to send me on during the school holidays because they usually contribute to unnecessary brain usage during holidays but I still went because I didn't want to disappoint you. I especially remember the typing course that you sent me for 2 months when I was in primary 6. The ENTIRE class was filled with young girls who just graduated from school and wanted to become secretaries while putting out for something better. What the hell was a primary 6 boy doing there? Only recently did I realize the importance of all those classes and courses that I went for and you'd be happy to know, that nothing that I've learnt was left unused. In fact, they've just helped me more along the way.

I realize that I was never the model son that you wanted me to be. I've always considered myself to be the black sheep of the family for obvious reasons and will always do. All I've ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. I've seen the glitter in your eyes when you speak of ex-students who are doing very well right now and the biggest reason why I took this scholarship in the first place despite knowing that I'm going to hate being here was so that you'd have the same glitter in your eyes when you spoke of me. I'm so sorry for everything. :-(

I admire you for all the things that you've got through but I just wish that you'd let go of the past and pay more attention to the present. You've got 3 head-breaking grandsons/monsters and another one on the way. I hope it's a girl to balance the equation because I dont think I can stand the idea of 4 kids running around the house causing havoc. A loving wife who will not leave your side no matter what ( although she can be a headache at times ) and 4 children who think the world of you.

I've always kept you in my prayers, Pap. There's a lot more I wish I could say to you and I think I shall leave it out of blogspot to avoid unwanted embarassment :-P So, yeah. Happy birthday again, Pap. I love you. By the way, that conference call thingy that akka planned was AWESOME. I'm glad we could all sing you 'happy birthday' even though it was over the phone.